Sheeple

I believe that taken on a sociological and sociatal level people are nothing but sheep. They feel the need to follow. Unfortunately, the one thing that seems to bind them is organized religion. Be they Jew, Christian, Hindu or whatever, people feel a need to belong and organized religion seems to be their poison of choice. I wish people could think for themselves and have the personal strength to stand up for their convictions. It's a sad treatise on the world when murderers and rapists are the only people strong enough to stand on their own and do what they believe in without the fear of being judged.

I do not follow any organized religion. I have my own beliefs that have served me well. I don't believe that any one person can tell me what I can and cannot do with my life. I cite persons such as Jim Baker and Jerry Falwell as prime examples of the folly of following the words of ONE person. You that cannot or willnot think for your self have only these false prophets to look to. Both have been disgraced as they fell to their baser natures. They are nothing but hypocrites as are any so called religious leader. No one person can tell you how to live your life, only you can make those decisions.

As a human being, I live by the tenets of the people that have influenced me. Remember, Christ was a man, albeit a man with good ideas, but a man none the less. I feel no need to have a group of out of touch, secular retards, tell me what I can and cannot do. Christianity was formed over 2000 years and has been bastardized by people. Humans with riduculous notions of how we should live. Remember that.

Love, Compassion and Trust are all I need to get me through life. Money is a means to an end and not an end in and of itself. I know that good things will come to me if I live a good life, I've dealt with adversity, but at it's worst, life has shown me incredible beauty and love. I cherish the friends I've made and I love my family and I can't think of anything more fullfilling. I'm blessed that I've had the experiences that I've had. Each and every one of them has taught me something about life and about myself. I've learned a great deal about how to live my life as a better person and for that I am grateful.

Stories from whatever bible you may read are nothing but that, stories. They may have some historical truth, but at the end of the day they are nothing but morality tales. All designed to give you some direction as to how to live as a better person. It's up to you to filter out the bullshit LAWS and whatnot and take away the base ideas that can make us all better human beings, because no matter color your skin is and no matter what name you call your god, we are all in this together.

Random Ramblings

In my present state, I feel it necessary to effuse on some random shit.

1. Work Sucks. This is self evident. If it wasn't work they'd fucking call it fun.

2. Hot Chicks. I must admit Calgary has some incredibly fine pussy. (Just wish I could get my hands, and other parts on some of it).

3. Calgary drivers. As alluded to in a previous post, they are still a bunch of spastic, half-wit, fucking morons. I take my life into my own hands every time I get behind the wheel. Which sucks for me as I only have PLPD for insurance.

4. Pussy. Sorry to come back to this, but Cowtown has some fine chicks and I really want to get my hands on one. I'm not greedy, one will do, for now.

5. Money. I've never experienced such a bunch of self-absorbed, self-important bunch of assholes as I have since I moved here. It's really something to behold. What the fuck ever happened to humility.

6. Work Redux. It's amusing, I have none of the responsiblity of my former job, yet my experience actually seems to account for something. Slowly, they're trying to draw me into their web, but I'm fighting it at every turn. I'm thoroughly enjoying just being a bitch, though most everyone sees that it won't last long. Oh yeah, and the full time hours and two week pay schedule are sweet as well.

7. Life. In spite of my POS car and my TV crapping out, I'm suprisingly at peace with the world. I'm slowly learning what works and what doesn't for me and I'm okay with that. Ultimately I know that I'm going to piss off a number of people when I tell them to fuck off and die, but in the end I have to be true to me. If you're one of the pissed off, well, to fuckin' bad for you.

8. People. I still hate them. I have one word that could make a major difference in the world. Compassion. If everyone practiced just a little of it everyday things would change for the better. Instead of trying to improve your lot in life at the expense of someone else, how about trying to figure out a way for both of you to reach your goals. I'm fucking tired, and I mean tired of people stepping on someone else's dreams just to make themselves look better or feed their own bullshit ego. When you die, no will care about your middle-management position. What you do to improve the human race will count, not that you stomped on someone else's dreams just because you couldn't deal with them. People will NOT respect you because of your position. I personally have no respect for TITLE, they are all just cogs on a wheel and the sooner the higher ups learn that and respect and understand what the people below them do and accomplish the better off we'll all be. I don't care if you're the president or CEO or whatever, I'll still tell you to fuck off. The people at the bottom are the people that are making you all of the money and you do nothing to repay them for their labours.

9. Bosses. I'm grateful that I have bosses that understand and appreciate the labour involved in what we do. They show their gratitude in numerous ways, from picking up a bar tab to a simple "good job". That to me is the most gratifying thing a boss can do. Letting you know your doing a good job is inspirational and encourages you to do good work. There are companies that could learn a thing or two from the people I work for. Blaine I'm fucking talking about you, you fucking asshole. Oh yeah Blaine, see number 8 you fucking moron.

10. Blaine. Even though you may never read this, you really fucked up. I was the biggest cheerleader you ever had. I promoted the company even though I knew it was bullshit. I feel sorry for all of the people that have to put up with you and your narrow minded, arrogant crap. You are not the be-all, end-all. In fact you aren't even a particularily intelligent businessman. You've bled a good portion of your most talented staff to the competion all in your ridiculous arrogance to keep middle-management retards. You've single handedly destroyed the soul of the company and lost some of the most talented, hard-working and commited people I've ever met. Good job fuckwad, and good luck with the lawsuit you fucking moron. We left, they didn't recruit us. It's sad that you have to resort to legal proceedings to try and cover up your own short comings. I truely hope that someday I see you panhandling just so I can ignore you just as you've ignored all of us.

Rickdale

I feel as if the weight of the world has been lifted from my chest (okay at least the weight of Rick which we all know is awfully close to the weight of the world). Apparently I'm the latest cause celeb. Who knew that me pulling my balls out of my purse would give so many people so much enjoyment.

This makes Jason a happy camper.

My phone has been ringing off the hook so to speak. There were a great many people that didn't think I had the cajones to do what I did. I have to admit that I was among those people. When the door closed and the dickhead started in on me I was prepared.

I barely let him finish a sentence before I threw the company cell phone at him and told him that I fucking quit. It wasn't exactly the way I had envisioned leaving the company, but ultimately it's a hellovalot more satisfying. I now have an uncharacteristic positive view of the world and my place in it. Right now I'm not terribly concerned as to where I end up. It's a new start and as I'm fond of saying "I was looking for a job when I found this one..."

I'm not clairvoyant, and I don't know what the future holds, but goddamn it's gotta be better than the past. I've made a great many mistakes in my life and hopefully I can learn some lessons from the past 10 years.

I picked up my final pay and ROE today and it was extremely gratifying to walk out of that building for the last time. It was also gratifying to say good-bye to the few people that I respected and liked.

So look out as I am going to have a new outlook on things, but don't fret as I'm assured that there are many inequites left for me to voice my opinion on.

New Beginnings

As you may or may not know by now I terminated my employment today. I told myself I wouldn't do so without a backup plan, but in light of the confrontational behavior and total lack of understanding by the president of the company, I succumbed to my baser emotions and quit.

On the one hand I feel as though a tremendous weight has been lifted from my shoulders, on the other hand I'm scared shitless as I currently have no occupation to speak of. Such are the grand mysteries and adventures of life. Rather than rant and rave regarding certain perceived inequities (you've all heard them a thousand times) I'll just go on my merry way with the knowledge that it was time for a change and I'm sure I can succeed at whatever the future holds for me.

Liquor in the front, Poker in the rear.

In lieu of Cory's recent lack of babes, I thought it high time for me to add my two cents and try to take up some of the slack.

So feast your eyes on the amazing Jennifer Tilly, oscar nominated actress and pretty damn good poker player.

The rants will continue, puntuated by pleasing pictures of gorgeous women as Cory seems too busy these days.

Enjoy.

Everything old is new again.

In light of my catastrophic failure at writing a decent Trance tune, I've returned to where I got my start in the wonderful world of music. I've started to re-record some old tracks that I wrote when I was in the midst of trying to be the next Nickleback, before Nickleback even was.

It was nice to pickup my old guitar and be able to play with an intensity that I haven't felt in a great many years. It was like meeting an old friend and picking up exactly where you left off, just as if there weren't the many intervening years of absence.

I have no illusions of any of these tracks making me a rock star, but it gives me great pleasure to hear these tunes in a state nearing what I heard in my head when I wrote them back in the day. Also, truth be told, playing at the level I do is a great physical workout and a great way to vent any aggressive energies that may be plaguing the soul. In my experience there is no drug that can reproduce the high that I feel when I'm thrashing on a track.

Anyhoo, not much else to report.

Peace out,
Jason

I am far too old for this shit.

Well once again we are down to two staff members. Me and Rob. There are pros and cons to this wonderful situation I've found myself thrust into. On the plus side I love working with Rob, I consider him one of my best friends. On the minus side, I have to work like Toby picking cotton.

This I don't like.

Today I had the most enviable pleasure of hauling file boxes in +27 degree heat. Now for those of you that don't know me, I'm a 34 year-old alcoholic, smoker with insomnia. That all adds up to Jason not being a happy camper weezing as I carried these fucking hateful boxes down the stairs to their rightful resting place. I'm not sure when I had "Negroid Female Dog" tattooed on my forehead, but damn I wish I could afford the laser removal treatment.

It sucks that all of the people that I like working with leave after they realize how much this job sucks, but I can't blame them. With the Alberta economy being what it is, who wants to suck shit for a meager pitance of a wage. I know I don't. For all of my so-called "wisdom and intelligence" I have to admit I'm pretty fucking stupid to have stayed with the company for as long as I have. The most unfortunate part is that what I do isn't a trade and my wealth of skills are non-transferable, so even if I leave all that I have to look forward to is starting at the bottom all over again, wherever it may be.

Stupid People Redux

I pose to you a question. Exactly just how fucking dark does it have to be before moronic retards feel it necessary to turn on their headlights. Tonight, I had the distinct (dis)honour of witnessing three people at the same intersection not using their headlights. Christ, they didn't even have their running lights on. I can understand (to a point) that if you had your running lights on that you could forget to turn on the headlights before proceeding from your place of residence.

Are these twits driving with night vision goggles and if so where can I get a pair, because that is the only way I can understand not being able to see your gauges or any reflection of your headlights off of the vehicle ahead of you. I wish I had infravision, it would eliminate the need for the use of headlights, a flashlight, or for that matter electricity of any sort related to illumination. Think of the money I could save.

Alternatively, I still hope that some day the government will institute an anti-stupidity law that allows people such as myself to shoot ignorant, spastic, half-wit, Dan-esque, twits that prove without a doubt that they are swimming in the shallow end of the gene pool. Really, it needs more chlorine.

P.S. Cory, you are slacking to the point of unacceptability. How am I to function without my dose of internet cuties gracing the pages of your hallowed blog?

Road Trip!

It's been a very long time since I was last through the Rocky Mountains. Tyler and Derek came down from E-town to party this weekend and on Saturday we decided to take a trip to a place called Crescent Falls. Joe, another friend of ours was camping there and told Tyler that it was only an hour and a half from Cowtown. It was at this point that I came to the understanding that Tylers sense of time and distance function on a different plane of reality. After looking at the map it was clear to me that it was significantly longer than said 1.5 hours, but in my mind I said "What the fuck, it's a long weekend so let's do this."

Derek has never seen the mountains so we elected to take the scenic route through Banff National Park. I haven't seen the mountains up close since I was 15 so I was looking forward to the scenery.

Now as you may or may not know, it doesn't cost anything to drive through Banff National provided you are going straight through, with one caveat. North of Lake Louise, we got off of the #1 onto highway 93. Just north of that is a toll-booth. You have to pay no matter what, and it costs $17.80 to do so.

Now a few things came to mind after passing through the toll area.

1. It's rather bogus to charge a toll to see the scenery. (That was the park ranger's justification for the fee)
2. Why choose such a retarded numerical value? Why not just round it up to 20 bucks?
3. I'm betting the ranger at the Banff toll booth is still laughing his ass off. He knew where we were headed and failed to warn us about the second toll booth.

After grumbling for a couple of minutes we settled back in and continued on our trek. All I can say is the majesty of the Rockies is something to behold. There were a number of times where the view out of the windshield was awe inspiring.

When we finally arrived at Crescent Falls 3 and half hours after departing Calgary, the only thing on Tyler's mind was how hard he was going to bitch-slap Joe when we found him. Me, I could only wonder why no one had told me about this little slice of heaven before.


The picture above is the view that greeted us after getting out of the car.


And that's Tyler standing at the top of the Falls. To those of you that know me and Tyler well, you'll understand that the urge to walk up behind him and push was almost more than any man should have to bear.

So after hiking around the area for a couple of hours it was sadly time to pack up and head back. In retrospect, I wish I had known what we were in for as I would have brought what I would have needed to stay the night. Next year this is where I'm going camping as I didn't get to see even half of what it has to offer.

All told, it was alot of fun. There are other details that are better left unsaid, such as Derek's ignominious adventure taking a crap on the side of a mountain and our close encounter with a guard-rail at 130 km/h.

So, if you're headed out camping, think of Crescent Falls as a destination. It is absolutely beautiful. There are also equestrian tours available and if you go the Banff route, somewhere along highway 93 there is a company that provides helicopter tours (I can't wait till next summer).

Life is a grand adventure and I miss taking trips such as these. Little planning always makes it that much more interesting. I can't wait to see what lies in store for the future.

Put the fork down!

I can't fucking believe that the American car industry is catering to the Enormously Fat Fucks Of Regional Trans-america. I saw a recent report on CNN that interviewed a doctor in the US that stated that it was time that the American automobile industry should factor obesity into their designs as that is a growing portion of the population. This "doctor" sounded almost apologetic, he spoke of obesity as a disease. I refuse to believe that. I understand that in some situations its glandular, but for the most part it's just damned laziness.

Whenever someone says "I'm big boned." I'd like to quote Denis Leary and say, "You're big ASSED, Dinosaurs are big boned."

Not being morbidly obese, I'm sorry to say that I cannot and will not sypathize with all of you tubby fuckers out there. You have many avenues to explore, such as stomach stapling, god forbid exercise and maybe not eating that fucking twenty-third fucking cheeseburger. I am not the picture of health, nor do I subscribe to be so. I have my vices and I love them dearly, but if the day comes when I am so obese that I can no longer see my own genitals then things will change.

Outside of the small portion of the population that suffers from some thyroid maladay, the rest of you fat morons have no excuse. Get up off of the fucking couch and do something other than stuff your fat face with shit you don't need to be eating.

I routinely enjoy eating the crappier things in life, but at the same time I also enjoy immensely eating some things that are actually "gasp" good for me. I'm a big fan of fresh veggies (uncooked) and there are other ways you can eat things that don't have 10 billion calories.

What it really comes down to is the fact that I'm really fucking tired of people trying to make excuses for their own shortcomings/laziness. Accept the fact that you are a lazy retard and we all hate you and will mock you at every opportunity.

Death Toll

More than 3400 Iraqis have been killed in July of this year. Only 2752 (by their count) Americans died on Sept 11, 2001. To date somewhere between 40 and 45 thousand Iraqis have died in the American occupation of Iraq.

Iraq today is the US's modern day Vietnam. You'd have to be blind to not have seen this coming. Bush Sr. didn't have the cojones to take Saddam out when he had the chance and now Bush Jr. is bogged down in a war that is based on total lies.

I'm not trying to diminish the efforts of the brave soldiers of both our military and our cousins to the south. Unfortunately, these military people don't realize that they are no different than the so called enemies that they are fighting.

From both sides, this is a war of idealogy. Instead of agreeing to disagree, both sides have chosen to wage open war against each other. This is a macroscopic version of the "war" between Israel and Hezbollah.

The United States seems to think that they hold some sort of moral "high ground" against the Fundamentalist Islamic elements, when in all reality they are operating from the EXACT same mindset. The US has a long history of waging war against anyone holding a different ideolgy than them. It stems from the very roots of their coming into being.

The US foolishly believes that they can bully everyone to accept their worldview, that their way is the "right" way. They can't accept that anyone else might have a different perspective which I find laughable in light of the fact that they are dealing with belief systems that are thousands of years old verses their world view that has evolved over a few hundred years.

Regardless of what "history" may say, Israel has only existed as a country since May 14, 1948. The US support of Israel has done much to inflame the ire of radical Islam and yet they still seem unable to understand why such factions view them with such hatred.

The US continues to pour money and military hardware into Israel, allowing them to bully their Middle-East neighbours. The recent conflict between Hezbollah and Israel speaks volumes of Israel's conduct as a "good neighbour" in the middle-east.

The United States will continue to suffer at the hands of Islamic Fundamentalists and their own pathetic government. So long as the US continues their "War on Terror" the civil rights of the common US citizen will continue to be eroded to the point that the US will be functionally identical to the Islamic states that they have so vehemently opposed.

I don't know if that is the ultimate plan of the US goverment, to use the events of late as an excuse to turn the United States into a police state, but I hope that their delirium doesn't infect our fragile government here north of the border.

Sunshine, Rainbows and ...

FUCK RIGHT OFF! I'm glad to get that off of my chest, and now on with the show.

The real title of this entry should be "Of Mice and Utility Company Retards".

I recently ran afoul with my gas provider. That is to say I got behind on the bill and owed them a sum of money. In my world, money is a means to an end, not the end in and of itself. Not so with most, if not all of the corporate world.

I received a call from a gracious young lady from the aforementioned provider and I though all was well and good in my world. But, lo and behold the spastic moron didn't enter the payment agreement into the computer (what they pay her for is completely beyond the scope of this blog). As there is no record of said "agreement" my gas service was terminated with extreme prejudice with absolutely no notification.

Over the last few years, I've learned to be a reasonable and level headed chap (yeah, I can hear all you fuckers laughing), on learning of my predicament I promptly called the so-called "service provider" to ascertain the nature of my service interuption.

"We have no record of any payment agreement and you are in arrears on your account." That was the answer I received. Note to everyone: If you find yourself in a similar situation, a) take notes and record the call if you can, b) Dan runs Direct Energy.

I find it unconscionable that a company that does nothing but take credit (and payment) for someone else's work (Atco actually provides the gas, DE just does the Ass-fucking er... accounting, ah the wonders of deregulation) can cut off service with no warning over an outstanding balance of $126.94. Yes, that is what I owed them, and I had owed that for 41 days, not much over a month. In the "agreement" I spoke of, I had indicated that I would square the entire balance on the 15th, 5 days AFTER they cut my gas service.

This whole ordeal has once again cemented the fact that I despise corporations and wish I could move to the woods and send them letter bombs ala Ted Kaczynski (you might remember him as the Unabomber). It's a crying shame when someone that does so much good is put behind bars.

"Grab your ankles and bite this stick, we"ll be with you in a moment."

-Cory, a legend in his own mind

Men are from Krypton

I know I've been away for some time, and for that I am...well, I'm not sorry at all. I've been hard at work (Cory you just keep your yap shut) learning the magical mysteries of Trance music writing. So in lew of blessing you with some witty reparte, please enjoy the comic above. It's done by two brilliant writers over at penny-arcade. If you want to see more navigate yourself to http://www.penny-arcade.com/

Ignorant Arrogance

I've met a great many people in my meager few years on this planet. I think the picture above epitomizes my thoughts on most of the aforementioned personages. There is one thing that runs through my head when I think back on my encounters with these ignorant fucktards, "You've done nothing but wax idiotic" to quote Stewie.

All too many of the people I've met are overly confident of their abilities and have an overly inflated sense of self. Confidence is one thing, but having a God complex is something entirely different. I find that many people attempt to portay themselves as confident to mask their fears, the rest are just too insensitive to give a fuck.

I've never tried to portay myself as a compassionate person, but believe me if I wanted to I could hurt a great many people with nothing but words. I choose to rein in my tongue and I wish other people would learn to do the same. Think before you speak, assmunch.

Too many people are so self-centered that they can't see the consequences of their actions beyond how it will help themselves achieve whatever ridiculous goals they have set for themselves. In their tiny minds, everything they do is one more step in their quest to achieve their goals with no thought to the lives they affect in the process.

I love to fuck with these sorts of people as much as I can. I will do everything in my power to undermine them at every opportunity. Now before you get your panties in a bunch and try to lump me in with these very same asswipes, consider this. In these situations I'm reactive. I do nothing until someone hurts me or someone I care about or I see someone that I feel can't adaquately defend themself.

My friends know me and as such I feel that I have to give no more explanation than I have given. If you feel different, feel free to post a comment. Not that I honestly give a flying fuck what you have to say, but go hard retard.

Murphy is a bitch!

Jeezus Aych Fucking Christ I hate days like these. It was one of those days when Murphy's Law fucks you in the ass at every turn. Nothing went right, not one single, solitary godamned thing. All of the work I tried to line up fell through for one reason or other, which means instead of getting it done and out of my hair I get to look forward to dealing with the shit at a later date.

The capper was when I tried to put my sexellent new couch in my pad. What a fucking gong-show that was. First try we dropped it from about seven feet in the air (thank fuck it didn't break). Second try we had to put it back down because the strap I had wrapped around it slipped off of one corner. Third try (after putting 3 fucking straps around it) we finally got it on the deck. Oh Ho we're not done yet. After we had the damn thing on the deck and tried to get it through the patio door I realized that I had missed a critical measurement, the distance between the top of the railing and the bottom of the roof, D'oh! Fortunately for me I was able to "persuade" the roof to lift enough to get the couch by and with a sigh of relief, it's sitting pretty in my living room.

Now as I survey the layout of the land, I can see one major problem. My coffee and endtables now look like complete ass.

Damn I need to stop watching all of those home design shows on TV.

What the fuck?

I purposely wrote a song to sound dirty, nasty and wrong. It was something I wrote completely for myself as an experiment in noise and somehow it's turned out to be my most popular track. I don't think I'll ever understand what make's people tick and with that said I've never actually followed convention, I always write what I want to hear. It just blows me away that I can write something that is technically "wrong" and have it turn out "right". That's why I love writing music, there are essentially no boundaries. So to all of you aspiring musicians, follow your heart. Do what makes you feel good and just remember three words of wisom, Fuck The World!

I'm just singin' in the rain...

New place to hear a couple of my tracks if you're interested. It's www.myspace.com/alienluvchild I'll get a link to it on the side soon.

Cheers.

Five for Fighting.

The picture above is just to let everyone know who I'm rooting for. I'm very pleased that the Toronto Make Believes are out of contention (I've never been a fan). And we should all send Cory our condolences as Philly lost AGAIN to the Devils, 5 to 1 I might add. For you stats monkeys out there the Devils currently have the longest winning streak this season with 10. I'm pleased that Colin White somehow managed to stay out of the penalty box for a change, and I'm looking forward to the game versus the Canadiens tomorrow even if the commentary is gonna be in french.

I know, not much of an entry, but I can't pass up an opportunity to give Cory a shot (as they don't seem to happen as often as I'd like).

GO DEVILS GO!

p.s. if you don't like the Devils, I don't really give a shit so don't flame me because you know what you can do...

Anger Management.

A certain "Anonymous" person posted the comment recently that I should go get fucked (awfully close to patent infringement motherfucker) to get rid of the anger that I'm so proud of. Well sir, to you I have a few thoughts to share.

The "anger" you speak of has no relationship to my sex life (or lack thereof), it's driven by my reacting to the inherent stupidity of the general populace and how I view my station in life. It is also inextricably tied to my personality. Believe me, if I was "happy" and "nice" all of the time, no one would want to have anything to do with me. I know that a great many people get, at the very least, a giggle when I "go off" about something. It's expected of me and I wouldn't want to disappoint my legions of adoring fans.

There was a point in my life that what is now perceived as anger was genuine, raging against the machine if you will. At this point in my life alot of it is just for show, though not all of it. If I didn't vent on a regular basis, I'm not sure what would happen, but it wouldn't be pretty. Of that I'm assured.

I genuinely get enraged when I see idiocy in its many forms. It is very difficult for me to deal with people who, not neccessarily with malicious intent, act like a total fucking retard. I may not always have the right answer, but I get asked an awful lot of questions about an awful lot of things. I don't claim to have all of the answers but I like to help where I can.

I truly enjoy crafting entries. As an amateur wordsmith I find it gratifying. To many my tone and choice of words and topic might not meet their liking, but as I have stated before this blog is for me. I'm not trying to make friends nor enemies with this, just to shake up people's world view, if only for a moment.

For me, the most virtiolic entries are my personal favorites as I feel that is some of my best writing to date. I've found my voice which is always the hardest thing to do as an author. It is also cathartic, by voicing my opinion in this forum I can "get it out there". I can't think of any other place that I could state my opinions as I do and honestly have people react to what I have to say. Here the comments have been at turns both humorous and thoughtful, even if the person is only reacting to something I've said, such as yourself.

So, good sir, I have this to say in parting. If I were to make a personal attack on you, believe me, I am man enough to use your name. In the future I would hope you will do me the courtesy of the same.

When Life Hands You Lemons...

...squirt the fucker in the eye with them. That'll teach the bitch-ass to fuck with me.

Gentle reader you may have noticed that as of late my entries have had a rather shall we say violent tone to them. That's because I have a particular hate-on for life right now. Yes, me and Life have a love-hate relationship. I hate It because It loves to fuck me in the ass on a regular basis.

As a heterosexual male my rectum is EXIT ONLY. Yet I seem to take it in the sphincter on an alarmingly regular basis. The really sad part is that many times I can see it coming and yet I feel powerless to do anything about it. As Cory so succinctly put it "Grab your ankles and bite this stick, we'll be with you in a moment" seems to be a common theme of my life.

I've been in some deep, dark holes in my life (Cory wipe that fucking smirk off of your face) and while the psuedo-optimists would likely see it as some sort of purgatory I prefer to call it what it is, Hell.

I'm a single male (not by choice, single that is (Cory that's two strikes you motherfucker)), broke and stuck in a job that I detest. Now I'm aware that I'm not unique to these particular set of circumstances but that changes things not one fucking iota. The fact is it sucks the sweat off of a dead camels balls.

I wish I were independently wealthy (I'm not) or hooked up with a sugar momma (I will be accepting applications) or I wish I could find a way to just be happy.

Now we all know that isn't gonna happen anytime soon so don't you fucking worry your pretty little head I'm sure life still has plenty of curve balls left to throw me (I warned you Cory, that's three you fuckwad).

So in the meantime, sit back and enjoy the show.

Captain Bloody Obvious.

Could someone please explain to me why people feel it absolutely necessary to state the obvious. An example would be "Gee, you look like you're in a bad mood today." Don't you fucking think I know I'm in a bad mood? Wow, I was having a thoroughly bitchin' day until you pointed that out you fucking spastic, half-retarded, tongue-chewing waste of skin.

Are they trying to piss me off, do they want to see me go postal? They must because they do a fanfuckingtabulous job of making my ire reach the point of no return.

What would I do without the caring and compassion of these obviously dimwitted samaritans?

I'D BE PISSED OFF IN PEACE YOU FUCKWAD!!

There are times when I really just don't want to deal with the incredible stupidity and general mental deficiency of the populace, alas I'm not independently wealthy (yet) nor do I have a sugar momma (mmm, rich Milfalicious Cougar). So until that happens, do yourself a favor and shut your fucking word-hole if you feel the urge to blurt out something that is incredibly obvious to the rest of us. If you can do that I'll feel less compelled to tear off your head and shit down your neck, which I think no one would like to see (except Cory, I swear that fucker has some sort of bet going as to when I'll snap).

So, in conclusion, SHUT THE FUCK UP. I don't need to hear the constant ramble of verbal diarrhea spewing from the lips of these moronic dipshits and I'm pretty damned sure no one else wants to hear it either.

Rampant Fucking Optimism.

I fucking loathe these so-called optimists that feel it necessary to throw in the line "well, it could always be worse". FUCK-OFF, I'm content to feel that I've reached the bottom at least that way I feel like the only way I can go is up. To me that's optimism, at least my variation of it. If I have to worry that things can get worse then, yep you guessed it, things are most definitely going to go in the shitter.

You misanthropic, ignorant, everyone-needs-to-like-me cockbites try to disguise yourselves by acting cheery but I'm on to you. The next motherfucking asswipe that says something like that is going to wind up like the dog in the above cartoon, and no you're NOT gonna get the courtesy of a reach-around. Just think of how much worse it can get when you hear the power tools start up.

C.S. I can already hear the gears grinding. Be warned, if you try to pull this shit on me you'll look awfully funny walking around with a saw-z-all jambed up your ass. It'll pretty hard to get a date when the first thing out of her mouth is "why is there a power cord hanging out of your rectum?"

So the next time any of you feel it necessary to open your yap and spew some nonsensical bullshit such as "it could be worse" I guarantee you it will be.

Oh yes, make no mistake, it will be.

Stoopid is as stoopid does.

I swear to fucking someone (what's that fuckers name again?) that I'm getting stupider (is that even a word?) by the day. I'm forgetting the most basic things and unfortunately I can't blame it on anything. It's not the result of certain herbal remedies that I've indulged in, nor the occasional frothy beverage. Nope, it's just age or maybe the fluoride the evil fuckers are putting in the water.

I swear I can hear neurons screaming bloody murder as they die by the millions, or maybe it's just the normal voices in my head trying to make themselves heard. Just think, by the time I'm 100 (Cory you can stop laughing now) I'll be a drooling moron like Dan, or worse like my sister Barbie (sorry sis, I had to throw you under the bus. Actually, I take that back I'm not sorry you deserved it). Truth be told, the worst possible case scenario would be to wind up like a certain unpleasant enfeebled bloke (yeah, you know who you are).

I'm not sure how to deal with depriving this world of my characteristic wit and humor. How will you live with yourself when I'm dumber than a sack of hammer handles? Honestly, I fail to see how that's my problem so my response to your conundrum is GET FUCKED!

P.S. to all of you that I didn't throw under the bus this time, I apologize that I'm too fucking mentally deficient to come up with an appropriate method. I'll get you fuckers next time.

Knee in my package.

There are exactly two things in life that you can count on, death and taxes. Well, make that one thing as death isn't always that reliable as I've come to see recently. Being that wonderful time of year once again I steel my nerves against the differential calculus that is the Revenue Canada tax forms.

In my younger years I was a whiz at mathematical problem solving. It didn't matter if it was Algebra, Trig or whatever I had a knack for suessing out the answer. At some point I believe that the Taxman figured this out and decided that the process of me filling out the required paperwork should be as painful and nonsensical as possible.

I have yet to discern how it is possible to come up with 3 different results after doing my return and checking the math. The required calculations seems sketchy at best and I'm always left scratching my head at the end.

My answer to this conundrum is to just take the fucking thing to H&R Block and pay someone to figure the shit out for me. It saves me from spending time in jail after going postal and doing something foolish at the Revenue Canada offices.

The picture above is just some eye candy to hopefully alieviate some of the stress induced by the infernal machinations of the government.

Rick Mercer has done a brilliant spoof ad that you can check out here http://www.cbc.ca/mercerreport/.

Home, Home on the Range...

…where the beer and the antidepressants play.

Well folks here I am, back in Saskatoon and boy howdy does it suck. Everything is exactly as I left it. That is to say everything is a big, steaming pile of feces. There are exactly two things to do here, Fuck-All and Nothing, which is why everyone here drinks like a fish. As to why they listen to so goddamned much bow and arrow music, well there are things that even I don’t know (as hard as that may be to believe).

Now you may be asking yourself why I would subject myself to the torture of visiting this particular pee-pee soaked heck hole. I’m here for a funeral (now kiddies, doesn’t that just sound like a barrel of laughs).

I’ve been to more than my fair share of funerals and the common thread among all of them is the totally depressing mood. I think funerals should be a celebration of the decedent’s life, not a bunch of people wallowing in their own misery at the loss of a loved one. Funeral director’s are to blame for this injustice. Funeral homes should be more like a Chuck-E-Cheese. Flashing lights, loud music and some moron dressed up in a mouse suit, now that would certainly liven up the otherwise sombre ceremony.

I’m making this public knowledge. I want my funeral to be held in a place like Crush. No stodgy minister giving the eulogy, I want some asshole like Cory to talk about me (although he’s unlikely to say anything nice, so not Cory maybe someone that may lie a bit). I want a huge motherfucker of a bong at the door. Everyone takes a hit as they come in and then someone hands them the drink of their choice. As for music, I will accept nothing but some bangin’ Hard House and Trance, if there’s any deviation from this plan I will personally haunt the motherfucker(s) responsible.

As far as what to do with my body, fuck throw it in a dumpster and pay some hot broad to lie naked in a casket for the freaks that feel it necessary to have a viewing. Alternatively, have me stuffed and stick me in the corner with a drink and a smoke.

“When you look at it, Life’s a piece of shit. So always look on the bright side of death.” – Monty Python

The Power of Positive Thinking.

I've been accused of being a negative person. A glass half empty sort if you prefer. I am a realist, if I'm broke today and tomorrow isn't payday I'm damn well not going to have any fucking cash tomorrow either. I'm also a forward looking thinker (not generally thought of as an attribute of a negative person). To use the glass analogy, by viewing it as half empty I am looking to the future to prepare myself to obtain another drink not deluding myself as the half full crowd is.

It seems that a great many people do not understand my particular brand of humor and I would feel sorry for the ignorant simpletons save for the fact that I really don't give a flying fuck. Life is not a popularity contest so get over yourself. I love black humor and like to think that Shakespear (one of the great masters) would read my dialectic with a sly smirk on his face.

Much of what I say is said to generate controversy. I love to take people out of their simple, self-absorbed lives and challenge their belief systems, even if only for a moment. If they think about it (thinking, what a concept) and chose to remain true to their beliefs then I have no problem with that. My goal has never been to convert anyone to my way of looking at the world (those of you intelligent enough have already done so or will soon enough), only to get people to realize and accept that there are different views of the world and how to live in it and that their's isn't the only one that is right.

This perceived "negativity" is part of my schtick and the only way you can take it is to pry it from my cold, dead hands (good luck with that once rigor sets in). It will be part of my legacy, something that sets me apart in the minds of a great many people that I've touched over the years.

I am who I am, and if you don't like me then fuck off because I'd much rather devote my energies to entertaining my friends.

Friends, romans, countrymen, Lent me your ear.

As a heathen (their description, not mine) I don't think I'll ever understand many of these silly little rituals that religious people engage in. I cite as an example this thing called Lent. I don't like it, no one is giving me anything. They do this thing called "fasting" which I think is a total misnomer. I like to call things what they really are. It's fucking starvation people, after not eating for any length of time I am anything but fast, mentally or physically. They really need to change the names of these things to more accurately describe the folly that they engage in, if only so us heathens can attempt to understand what the hell they are doing.

I've come to the conclusion that christianity is made up of sadists comprised of a following of masochists. How the fuck else can you describe the antics of these fools to someone that isn't indoctrinated in their shenanigans.


In the spirit of understanding, I've decided to give up trying to understand what the fuck is going through the minds of these sheep that need some cross-dressing nitwit to tell them how to live their life as a good person.

Amusingly, this is some anniversary or other of the pope getting shot and the media are reviewing the data trying to unearth some grand conspiracy. Here's my take on it: The guy had a real problem with a man wearing a dress commanding so much power over people and really couldn't deal with the fact that anyone could honestly be seen in public wearing such a collosally stupid hat. I know that would likely be enough to make me snap if I thought about it for any length of time.

In conclusion, any of you that want to give up anything for "Lent", consider giving me something instead. We'll all be happier for it.

What would I do?

I don't know why I always destroy that which is most precious to me. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to me being happy and successful. I've thrown away the one thing I truly cared about, my relationship with a very special friend. Over the past two years, she has opened my eyes to the world and helped me change in very positive ways. To repay her, I've caused her pain and ended a very close friendship. All because I'm an overreactive retard.

I hope that in the future I can intercept my stupidity before it overrides my good judgement. This is very much a Dan moment. All I can hear in my head is "Stimpy, you Eediot!" Those of you that have known and loathed me for any length of time know that I'm prone to fits of rage and outrageous stupidity. I appreciate the kindness and understanding you've shown me even if it's been mostly of the "very good little retard" variety.

I know this is a rather introspective entry, but in light of everything that is going on in my life I hope that you, gentle reader, can understand my need to expose myself to the harsh light of day.

Very soon I suspect, the vitriol will return. I can feel it in my bones.

The Slings and Arrows of Outrageous Fortune.

It's just about that fateful day again. The one day of the year that makes me want to firebomb every godforsaken Hallmark store on the fucking planet. You know the one. That day when all of your coupled up friends are all mushy and retarded.

I'd love to stick that bow up that fat little fuckhead's ass and launch him into space. Yeah Cupid, I'm talking about you and I've got you in my sights you portly, prepubescent, meddling little fuckwad.

I don't understand why I let myself get so worked up, honestly. The only reason I'm still single is because I can't find a woman that's interested in me that doesn't have every goddamned mental condition in the book. I don't know why I attract the freaks, but take it from me, no matter how hot she is if she's at all into me, run away, far, far away.

I cite as an example, Allison, and Newman you can back me up on this one. Good looking, but a total fucking whack-job. And boy howdy did she ever want to go for a roll in the hay. In retrospect I'm glad I took a pass on that one. Sort of.

Really this post is just an excuse to post a picture of a hot broad in some stage of undress. So I guess this is my Valentine to me. If you don't like it, too bad.

As an aside. Any of you wondering what colour the sky is in my world?

It's plaid.

All praise Dan!

I really wish I could personally bitch-slap all of the religious zealots in the world with an axe. Alternatively, I'd like to stick all of the useless cocksuckers in a room together with one knife and let the motherfuckers have it out. The last one standing would get a one-way ticket to the deity of his choice from my two friends Smith and Wesson.

This latest round of religious retardation simple amazes me. Losing your fucking mind and starting fires and shit because someone drew a picture of your precious god (I refuse to capitalize it) is so childish it makes me want to puke.

Twelve people have died as a result of this stupidity (I'm shocked it isn't more). Grab a fucking sense of humor you imbecilic morons. The Islamic extremists are the ones that inspire such satire, so here's a thought, stop blowing shit up in the name of whoever the fuck he is. It doesn't further your cause unless your intent is to royally piss off the rest of the civilized world. If you haven't already noticed, the US doesn't like having their shit blown up, it just gives them a reason to march into your county and play with all of their high-tech goodies.

You've already proved your point which is, we're mindless sheep that are willing to blow our selves up because some other fuckhead said so. Makes you wonder what the Arabic version of the name "Dan" is?

I can't wait to get the Church of Dan website up and running. Some people are so gullible that I'm sure I can start a *ahem* religion of my own. When that happens look out. I will stop at nothing short of World Domination, or at least a couple of bucks to buy a pint.

"Victory is mine!"-Stewie Griffin

Photoshop Fun!

Need I say more?

Micro$oft can get fucked!

Why in the hell can't everyone get together and write a fucking standards compliant browser. I'm all for progress, but not at the expense of things working properly. Recently I made some changes to the CSS code of the template for this blog. The code was taken from the W3C site which writes the book on standards compliance. No sooner did I finish said programming that I realized that everything is fucked up in Internet Explorer.

Microsoft is the king of bad programming practices. They refuse to play nice with anyone, when someone writes a set of rules for everyone to follow, they give us the one finger salute and do whatever the hell they want. As they have dominance on the desktop and in the browser market, they feel as though they can act with impunity, given that most end users are too ignorant to install a far superior browser.

So to all of you poor saps using IE, you have two options. One, switch to Firefox or one of the variants or live with the bitched blog page as I currently don't have the patience to root out why it works fine in Firefox and is totally fucked up on IE. I don't code to IE (haven't for years) and have no intention to do so in the future.

I'm fucking sick and tired of Microsloth acting like a school-yard bully. I can't wait for Apple to finish OS X for x86 so I can finally dump this craptacular operating system for a far more elegant and stable one.

One day I hope Billy boy gets his come-upance and has to face some real competion. That is the only way I see the 800lb gorilla that is Microsoft really change their practices and become a good citizen on the internet and in the marketplace.

I'm sure none of you care, but think of this the next time your PC mysteriously bombs on you for no reason.

Little Bundles of Joy

Some people just shouldn't be allowed to procreate.

Yes, I said it. I wish there were a government eugenics program to control the reproduction of ignorant, stupid people (like Dan).

I'm of the opinion that the gene pool needs more chlorine.

In third world countries, people fuck like bunnies because
a: they have no birth control
b: they need to have 15 kids because 14 of them will die due to living conditions so only one will continue the family line

Here in North America we don't have the problems listed above. Prophylactics are easily obtainable for a reasonable cost at any pharmacy or grocery. Our medical system ensures that in all but the most extreme cases, the child will likely survive.

Why is it that the least intelligent, most moronic among us proliferate the most? That's easy. It is because they are too goddamned stupid to figure out how to OPEN THE FUCKING RUBBER! These colossally idiotic, at least partially retarded, dim-witted, spastic half-wits can't keep their dick in their pants at all.

Now before you get the wrong idea, I love children. Well behaved, intelligent children. What I can't stand are the ADHD, screaming brats that I always seem to encounter every time I leave the house. You know the story, you sit down for a nice meal at a restaurant and at the table beside you is a pair of weary looking adults with 2 or 3 demon-possessed offspring.

Leave the little hellions at home if you can't control them. I wish someone would open an "Adults Only" restaurant for the likes of me so that I can enjoy my food without being subjected to the howls of some pint-sized linoleum lizard throwing a fit. God forbid that I should make a comment in regards to the child's misbehavior, thus guarateeing an apoplectic attack from the parents that I have the gall to deride their little angels behavior.

To any of you pondering taking your kids out for a meal, remember this: Most children have an attention span about as long as a gnat's dick and start to finish it's at least half an hour from the time you get seated till you get your food.

So think of the rest of us before you take the little retards out to a restaurant. It will greatly appreciated by all.

Ennui

I think I have been transported to this place. I cannot believe with all of the toys at my fingertips that it is possible for me to be this fucking bored.

Man, this is one of those times I wish I was lobotomized. Ah, to be a drooling idiot without a care in the world. Sounds an awful lot like Dan at work, doesn't it?

I've done some new graphics for the blog (check the links sidebar - pretty swanky 'eh?). The Church of Dan website is at a standstill. I have absolutely no inspiration for new music, nor the energy to give to such an undertaking.

I can't even come up with a proper blog entry. Oh well, I guess it's time to "Pull the trigger". If anyone is interested in a Program Director position send me an email with a picture attached. The only requirements are that you are female, with big boobs and be willing to put out on occasion.

Until next time...

Of all of the things I've lost I miss my mind the most.

How in the fuck am I supposed to maintain a semblance of normalcy in my life when shit keeps blindsiding me?

I just recently learned that a member of my family has admitted themselves to the psych ward. I swear to [insert name of deity here], all I want is some peace and fucking quiet. Just for a little while I'd like to live my life with no drama. Is that too much to ask? Apparently it is.

The aforementioned loonie is most definitely fucked in the toque and it's about time the stupid arse sought help, but I could have quite happily gone about my business without knowing such information. The fucktard is 600km away, and now somewhere in the bowels of my being (I think it might be called a sense of compassion or some other such nonsense) I almost feel like I should inquire about said freak-of-the-week's progress.

But I won't.

I'm sure the imbecilic moron's perceived psychosis will be resolved in time (and likely with lots of meds, the lucky bastard) and at such time the recovery will be announced to all with great fanfare. I know every family has their share of lunatics, freaks and the like, but it seems that I have an overabundance of all of them.

Between the health and mental problems you would have a hard time opening a medical text book and not finding something that a family member of mine has or is suffering from. I've dealt with everything from clinical depression to various cancers to AIDS from tainted blood. We really run the gambit in our clan.

At this point I'm fortunate to have relatively (compared to them) good health both mentally (I said relative to them CS you cock-smoker) and physically. I'm just waiting for my turn to spin the wheel of grievous pain and suffering and see what I'll come up with (c'mon 2-hydroxyglutaric aciduria).

These last few days have been blissfully Dan-free and I guess I need to cherish these times more. Or not. If this shit didn't happen to me you fuckers wouldn't have anything to read. So in my attempt to see a "positive" side to things, at least it gives me something to rant about.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

You want fries with that?

I remember the days when I had a Mcjob. I was 16 and looking for gas money so I took a job at Burger Thing.

I lasted there for exactly 3 months. The manager of the store hated me passionately, and I hated the bitch right back.

It was an experience, one that will stay with me forever. I'm sure just about everyone has a Mcjob over the course of their life, most use it as a stepping stone to bigger and better things.

The other day I went to Mickey D's for lunch. No big deal, people do it every day. I didn't see any ominous black clouds looming over this particular location so I was unaware of what was about to occur.

Generally, the staff of most fast food chains are pleasant (in spite of their lot in life), and I'm generally impressed with the customer service. On this particular occasion the "lady" gathering my order was of a totally different sort than I'm used to dealing with at these establishments.

The old bitch as much as threw my food at me, didn't nicely fold the bag closed, didn't say have a nice day or anything. After launching the bag in my general direction she stormed off to get the next order.

I stood there in utter disbelief for a moment, then proceeded to gather my order and exit. At the time I felt like jumping over the counter and ramming the bag down the old hag's throat, but sometimes discretion is the better part of valor and I did nothing. As I drove away, I got angrier and angrier. The fucking fries were half spilled in the bag, and we all know that fries need to be in the container to stay warm. There is almost nothing worse than cold McDonalds fries. They aren't that great when they're hot for chrissakes.

I understand that it can be stressfull when it's busy, but if you can't be even remotely pleasant then you should go home and as Cory is fond of saying "Pull the trigger" you stupid fucking old cow.

My job sucks shit, or put more correctly, I suck shit for a living. My job involves alot of customer interaction and there are days when I would love to tell people to get fucked, but I'm aware that I can't do that. If I did, I'd likely get fired and end up with another Mcjob.

The moral of the story kids is, even if you have a Mcjob, there is a step below that. Being on the dole is lower and not particularily good for the self esteem. So be pleasant and smile because you just may have to serve me and the clock is ticking toward the day that I go postal. I'm sure you don't want to be the one that sets me off because it's not going to be pretty and I'm sure that would just ruin your day and we don't want that now do we?

You drive like old people fuck...

Good fucking God Almighty. When the fuck are we going to start retesting drivers over 50? And when am I going to be allowed to curb stomp anyone that drives like a fucking moron?

Let's rewind this a bit. My place of employment is roughly a 20 minute drive from my residence when there's no traffic. On average, my daily commute in the morning takes between half an hour to an hour because of the retarded nitwits on the road.

The middle third to half (time wise) of my commute is taken up almost idling in near parking lot like traffic congestion while trying to get from Anderson Rd to Glenmore on the Deerfoot which is about 5 km. In that span I'm priviledged enough to witness every spastic half-wit in southern Calgary commit every goddamned, ignorant, idiot maneuver possible.

We have the unenviable pleasure of the Gestapo (a.k.a. Calgary Police Services) trying to stick it in our ass at every available opportunity. These goose-stepping fucks are exceptionally sneaky when it comes to photo radar. As a result, people get extremely paranoid about stalled vehicles on the side of the road and slam on their brakes before passing said vehicle.

To all of the mentally challenged, imbecilic, dipshits that are doing this I have this to say, "THE FUCKING SPEED LIMIT IS 100 KM/H!" You don't have to jam on the brakes and slow down to 70, it's shit like this that causes accidents and generally fucks up traffic. When in doubt, drive it like you stole it.

Just as bad are the moronic fucktards that slow down to 5 km/h to turn a corner. You are not going to fucking roll your damned vehicle if you go faster, but I may get pissed off enough to smack you with a crowbar or a sawzall (you just may have to wait a minute while I find a plugin for it).

I swear to christ if more people don't start car-pooling or taking public transit I just may spontaneously combust. Now wouldn't that totally fuck up your drive to work.

Remember: The life you save may be your own.

And that's because if you don't drive like an ass, I won't be inclined to beat the shit out of you for being a completely witless retard.

In the blink of an eye

It never ceases to amaze me how fucked up life can be. One minute everything is shits and giggles and the next everything can come crashing down around you. I recently had an experience that brought everything into sharp focus. Things I used to take for granted now have much more meaning.

I know that sounds like so much enlightened bullshit, but it's the gods honest truth. With all of the chaos I see in the world around me everyday, I've come to take a step back every now and again and reevaluate what is really important to me.

While this post is very much outside the tone of previous posts, I felt it necessary to get this off of my chest. My friends and family are incredibly important to me and the ability to be there for them in a time of crisis is one of the gifts I have to offer.

So, to all of you reading this remember this: you can call me any time, night or day, and I'll be there for you. I won't judge you or berate you, I'll do what I can (within my meager abilities) to ease your pain or help you out of a jam.

While you may notice that I laugh more often and may have a smile on my face from time to time, don't worry, I haven't lost my edge. There is still plenty of injustice and stupidity left in the world that I feel necessary to comment on.

I haven't come over to the light side (the dark side is just way too entertaining) and the dark corner of my soul that I draw these posts from is so much a part of my being that I refuse to relinquish it to the feel-good, liberal, hippie fucks. It grounds me, lest I get lost in the clouds that are my usual thought processes.

A modicum of cynicysm is healthy, it provides a much needed reality check to balance the rampant optimism that people often try to beat me over the head with.

That said, remember one thing, never forget who your true friends are and never turn your back on them. You just never know when you might need them.

The wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round ...

A certain "friend" of mine seems to gain an inordinate amount of pleasure taking the piss out of me regarding a certain aspect of my private life that is no longer all that private.

I understand that this is very typical of the male gender (I'm most likely one of the worst offenders), and while I'm not exactly a model of decorum, there are lines that are not to be crossed.

The defendant, a certain Cock-Smoker (refered to hereafter as CS), has thrown me under the bus on two consecutive occasions. While I'm all for poking fun at others (especially Dan a.k.a. Pig Pen), I'm substantially less enthused at people ragging on me when the topic involves an aspect of my life that I'm less than comfortable with.

So CS you bastard, consider this a warning shot across your bow. I've got you in my sights, and I intend to do alot more than hit you with Dan's purse.

One Shot. One Kill.

Come Watson, the game is afoot.

Asians in the armor.

When the fuck did everyone become a bunch of namby-pamby chicken-shits? God forbid you should say the wrong word and GASP! get labelled a racist. This whole Politically Correct movement really needs climb down off of its soapbox and pull their panties out of their ass.

What the fuck is with saying 'the "N" word', for those of you that don't know it's NIGGER. Yes, I admit it can be used as a racial slur, but the whole O.J., Johnnie Cochran, N-word circus just made me want to puke. That's just one example of how the PC bullshit is screwing with people's heads these days. You can't open your mouth these days without someone looking at you agast with the vile hate spewing from your lips.

For the record, I'm not racist. I hate everyone equally.

For some reason people choose to be offended by certain words, such as Fuck. I like Fuck. It's a tremendously versatile word that I use quite regularly (if you hadn't noticed). Who decided for me what I do and do not find profane.

Definition of profane:

1. Marked by contempt or irreverence for what is sacred.
2. Nonreligious in subject matter, form, or use; secular: sacred and profane music.
3. Not admitted into a body of secret knowledge or ritual; uninitiated.
4. Vulgar; coarse.

Profanity as we know it today was chosen by someone other than yourself. It supposedly (according to sociologists) is a result of the general social mores of your community. I call Bullshit! At best many of the words that are "Profane" fit into #4. I say at best because more and more people I encounter every day "swear like a sailor".

The only reason many of these words are still considered taboo is the fact that too many people are afraid to offend someone by openly expressing their opinion. To do so would risk becoming a pariah, and no one wants that is these days of PC, tree-hugging, wit-less, I want everyone to like me crap.

I cite as an example Jim Pankiw. He was a mayoral candidate in Saskatoon. He had the balls to say what everyone was thinking but was too chicken shit to say out loud. All too soon what he had to say offended someone and he was charged with hate crimes and all sorts of other colosal bullshit. I must admit after overhearing him at lunch one time, my opinion of the man is rather low, but I give him kudos for having some good ideas and the cajones to stand up and say them in public.

My idea for the populace is this: don't worry if anyone likes you, because chances are no one likes you. You are likely an ignorant ass and people are just pretending. If people do like you then they obviously have some ulterior motive and are likely to stab you in the back before you even see it coming.

I believe we should be proactive, tell more people to get fucked. I'm sure they'll appreciate your honesty.