What would I do?

I don't know why I always destroy that which is most precious to me. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to me being happy and successful. I've thrown away the one thing I truly cared about, my relationship with a very special friend. Over the past two years, she has opened my eyes to the world and helped me change in very positive ways. To repay her, I've caused her pain and ended a very close friendship. All because I'm an overreactive retard.

I hope that in the future I can intercept my stupidity before it overrides my good judgement. This is very much a Dan moment. All I can hear in my head is "Stimpy, you Eediot!" Those of you that have known and loathed me for any length of time know that I'm prone to fits of rage and outrageous stupidity. I appreciate the kindness and understanding you've shown me even if it's been mostly of the "very good little retard" variety.

I know this is a rather introspective entry, but in light of everything that is going on in my life I hope that you, gentle reader, can understand my need to expose myself to the harsh light of day.

Very soon I suspect, the vitriol will return. I can feel it in my bones.

The Slings and Arrows of Outrageous Fortune.

It's just about that fateful day again. The one day of the year that makes me want to firebomb every godforsaken Hallmark store on the fucking planet. You know the one. That day when all of your coupled up friends are all mushy and retarded.

I'd love to stick that bow up that fat little fuckhead's ass and launch him into space. Yeah Cupid, I'm talking about you and I've got you in my sights you portly, prepubescent, meddling little fuckwad.

I don't understand why I let myself get so worked up, honestly. The only reason I'm still single is because I can't find a woman that's interested in me that doesn't have every goddamned mental condition in the book. I don't know why I attract the freaks, but take it from me, no matter how hot she is if she's at all into me, run away, far, far away.

I cite as an example, Allison, and Newman you can back me up on this one. Good looking, but a total fucking whack-job. And boy howdy did she ever want to go for a roll in the hay. In retrospect I'm glad I took a pass on that one. Sort of.

Really this post is just an excuse to post a picture of a hot broad in some stage of undress. So I guess this is my Valentine to me. If you don't like it, too bad.

As an aside. Any of you wondering what colour the sky is in my world?

It's plaid.

All praise Dan!

I really wish I could personally bitch-slap all of the religious zealots in the world with an axe. Alternatively, I'd like to stick all of the useless cocksuckers in a room together with one knife and let the motherfuckers have it out. The last one standing would get a one-way ticket to the deity of his choice from my two friends Smith and Wesson.

This latest round of religious retardation simple amazes me. Losing your fucking mind and starting fires and shit because someone drew a picture of your precious god (I refuse to capitalize it) is so childish it makes me want to puke.

Twelve people have died as a result of this stupidity (I'm shocked it isn't more). Grab a fucking sense of humor you imbecilic morons. The Islamic extremists are the ones that inspire such satire, so here's a thought, stop blowing shit up in the name of whoever the fuck he is. It doesn't further your cause unless your intent is to royally piss off the rest of the civilized world. If you haven't already noticed, the US doesn't like having their shit blown up, it just gives them a reason to march into your county and play with all of their high-tech goodies.

You've already proved your point which is, we're mindless sheep that are willing to blow our selves up because some other fuckhead said so. Makes you wonder what the Arabic version of the name "Dan" is?

I can't wait to get the Church of Dan website up and running. Some people are so gullible that I'm sure I can start a *ahem* religion of my own. When that happens look out. I will stop at nothing short of World Domination, or at least a couple of bucks to buy a pint.

"Victory is mine!"-Stewie Griffin

Photoshop Fun!

Need I say more?