The Dirty Thirties.

This fuckin' dry spell with the women is seriously going to either kill me or drive me nuts. I've met exactly ONE woman since my ex took off and as it turns out she played the hateful "just friends" card. The really shitty part for me is the fact that I see her every fucking day. The only saving grace is the fact that she is a phenomenally cool chick and I genuinely enjoy hanging out with her. What I can't deal with is having to listen to her talk about looking for "hot" guys or even worse knowing that she's hooking up tonight with a new guy that she's interested in. This I can't deal with, I have far too many painful memories of my ex doing exactly the same thing to me.

I wish there were some way of letting her know that in these situations it feels like someone is ramming a knife into my chest. I hate having to make lame excuses to leave.

I've found there are three kinds of people. Those that enjoy being single and alone. Those that enjoy being single and engaging in casual sex and brief relationships, and finally those that hate the other two and need to be in a committed relationship.

I find myself in the third category. I hate being alone. There is no "thrill of the hunt" for me. I'm happiest when I've gotten past all of the getting to know you bullshit and realize that I want to be with the object of my attraction. Unfortunately this takes time and most often puts me in the unenviable position of having missed the boat and winding up as a "friend".

Before you offer any suggestions, let me tell you I've done the e-harmony thing (a complete and total waste of fucking time and energy), and I can't be the arrogant asshole that gets the chicks. I am who I am and I just have to live with the fact that I'm likely gonna be single until I die. Not a happy prospect, but at this point I need to be a realist and stop deluding myself.

The upside.

At least there's porn.

This one's for the gamers.

More wacky You Tube goodness. I came across this one accidentally and truth be told I have no idea where he's going with this, but it made me laugh and as such I thought I would share it with you.

For those of you that want more, there are more episodes on You Tube.

The Fog of War.

Lately I've been battling some demons from my past. With some we've come to a gentleman's agreement, with others I've won. Unfortunately there are still a few that I thought I had defeated but were only playing dead only to rise up and kick me in the junk.

Today my head felt as if it were going to explode. The white noise inside my brain was nigh on unbearable. The unfortunate side effect of this was my inability to properly deal with the resulting anger and my overaggressive reaction to, under normal circumstances, would be something that I could laugh off, basically pull the N.M.P. card on the whole situation.

It's been a difficult week and that is the only reason I can see that I let something so trivial as a retarded project manager's stupidity get under my skin. My own inability to properly deal with life's many stresses is likely going to be my downfall. How exactly is it going to transpire? Well, let me tell you I wait with baited breath.

Knowing that YOU are the architect of your own demise, yet feeling powerless to stop the train wreck that you see coming, in a word, it sucks.

Really, really lots.

I grow weary of the constant self examination. I just want things to be easy for a change. I would love for someone to print a list of things from my past that are beneficial and then wipe my memory. I really think brains should come with a reset switch. It would make life so much more enjoyable for people like me.

With modern medicine being what it is, I think one of you rocket scientists out there should research this and make it happen.

* Stabby rip stab stab *

Okay, I lied about not posting anymore (yeah, so fuckin' sue me). Anyhoo, I just watched this video on Youtube and it's fucking hilarious.

My last post was so emo I want to throw up (does that make me even more emo?).

P.S. I know the formatting's fucked, but at the moment I don't feel inclined to fix anything so just fuck-off and enjoy the show.