Micro$oft can get fucked!

Why in the hell can't everyone get together and write a fucking standards compliant browser. I'm all for progress, but not at the expense of things working properly. Recently I made some changes to the CSS code of the template for this blog. The code was taken from the W3C site which writes the book on standards compliance. No sooner did I finish said programming that I realized that everything is fucked up in Internet Explorer.

Microsoft is the king of bad programming practices. They refuse to play nice with anyone, when someone writes a set of rules for everyone to follow, they give us the one finger salute and do whatever the hell they want. As they have dominance on the desktop and in the browser market, they feel as though they can act with impunity, given that most end users are too ignorant to install a far superior browser.

So to all of you poor saps using IE, you have two options. One, switch to Firefox or one of the variants or live with the bitched blog page as I currently don't have the patience to root out why it works fine in Firefox and is totally fucked up on IE. I don't code to IE (haven't for years) and have no intention to do so in the future.

I'm fucking sick and tired of Microsloth acting like a school-yard bully. I can't wait for Apple to finish OS X for x86 so I can finally dump this craptacular operating system for a far more elegant and stable one.

One day I hope Billy boy gets his come-upance and has to face some real competion. That is the only way I see the 800lb gorilla that is Microsoft really change their practices and become a good citizen on the internet and in the marketplace.

I'm sure none of you care, but think of this the next time your PC mysteriously bombs on you for no reason.

Little Bundles of Joy

Some people just shouldn't be allowed to procreate.

Yes, I said it. I wish there were a government eugenics program to control the reproduction of ignorant, stupid people (like Dan).

I'm of the opinion that the gene pool needs more chlorine.

In third world countries, people fuck like bunnies because
a: they have no birth control
b: they need to have 15 kids because 14 of them will die due to living conditions so only one will continue the family line

Here in North America we don't have the problems listed above. Prophylactics are easily obtainable for a reasonable cost at any pharmacy or grocery. Our medical system ensures that in all but the most extreme cases, the child will likely survive.

Why is it that the least intelligent, most moronic among us proliferate the most? That's easy. It is because they are too goddamned stupid to figure out how to OPEN THE FUCKING RUBBER! These colossally idiotic, at least partially retarded, dim-witted, spastic half-wits can't keep their dick in their pants at all.

Now before you get the wrong idea, I love children. Well behaved, intelligent children. What I can't stand are the ADHD, screaming brats that I always seem to encounter every time I leave the house. You know the story, you sit down for a nice meal at a restaurant and at the table beside you is a pair of weary looking adults with 2 or 3 demon-possessed offspring.

Leave the little hellions at home if you can't control them. I wish someone would open an "Adults Only" restaurant for the likes of me so that I can enjoy my food without being subjected to the howls of some pint-sized linoleum lizard throwing a fit. God forbid that I should make a comment in regards to the child's misbehavior, thus guarateeing an apoplectic attack from the parents that I have the gall to deride their little angels behavior.

To any of you pondering taking your kids out for a meal, remember this: Most children have an attention span about as long as a gnat's dick and start to finish it's at least half an hour from the time you get seated till you get your food.

So think of the rest of us before you take the little retards out to a restaurant. It will greatly appreciated by all.

Ennui

I think I have been transported to this place. I cannot believe with all of the toys at my fingertips that it is possible for me to be this fucking bored.

Man, this is one of those times I wish I was lobotomized. Ah, to be a drooling idiot without a care in the world. Sounds an awful lot like Dan at work, doesn't it?

I've done some new graphics for the blog (check the links sidebar - pretty swanky 'eh?). The Church of Dan website is at a standstill. I have absolutely no inspiration for new music, nor the energy to give to such an undertaking.

I can't even come up with a proper blog entry. Oh well, I guess it's time to "Pull the trigger". If anyone is interested in a Program Director position send me an email with a picture attached. The only requirements are that you are female, with big boobs and be willing to put out on occasion.

Until next time...

Of all of the things I've lost I miss my mind the most.

How in the fuck am I supposed to maintain a semblance of normalcy in my life when shit keeps blindsiding me?

I just recently learned that a member of my family has admitted themselves to the psych ward. I swear to [insert name of deity here], all I want is some peace and fucking quiet. Just for a little while I'd like to live my life with no drama. Is that too much to ask? Apparently it is.

The aforementioned loonie is most definitely fucked in the toque and it's about time the stupid arse sought help, but I could have quite happily gone about my business without knowing such information. The fucktard is 600km away, and now somewhere in the bowels of my being (I think it might be called a sense of compassion or some other such nonsense) I almost feel like I should inquire about said freak-of-the-week's progress.

But I won't.

I'm sure the imbecilic moron's perceived psychosis will be resolved in time (and likely with lots of meds, the lucky bastard) and at such time the recovery will be announced to all with great fanfare. I know every family has their share of lunatics, freaks and the like, but it seems that I have an overabundance of all of them.

Between the health and mental problems you would have a hard time opening a medical text book and not finding something that a family member of mine has or is suffering from. I've dealt with everything from clinical depression to various cancers to AIDS from tainted blood. We really run the gambit in our clan.

At this point I'm fortunate to have relatively (compared to them) good health both mentally (I said relative to them CS you cock-smoker) and physically. I'm just waiting for my turn to spin the wheel of grievous pain and suffering and see what I'll come up with (c'mon 2-hydroxyglutaric aciduria).

These last few days have been blissfully Dan-free and I guess I need to cherish these times more. Or not. If this shit didn't happen to me you fuckers wouldn't have anything to read. So in my attempt to see a "positive" side to things, at least it gives me something to rant about.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

You want fries with that?

I remember the days when I had a Mcjob. I was 16 and looking for gas money so I took a job at Burger Thing.

I lasted there for exactly 3 months. The manager of the store hated me passionately, and I hated the bitch right back.

It was an experience, one that will stay with me forever. I'm sure just about everyone has a Mcjob over the course of their life, most use it as a stepping stone to bigger and better things.

The other day I went to Mickey D's for lunch. No big deal, people do it every day. I didn't see any ominous black clouds looming over this particular location so I was unaware of what was about to occur.

Generally, the staff of most fast food chains are pleasant (in spite of their lot in life), and I'm generally impressed with the customer service. On this particular occasion the "lady" gathering my order was of a totally different sort than I'm used to dealing with at these establishments.

The old bitch as much as threw my food at me, didn't nicely fold the bag closed, didn't say have a nice day or anything. After launching the bag in my general direction she stormed off to get the next order.

I stood there in utter disbelief for a moment, then proceeded to gather my order and exit. At the time I felt like jumping over the counter and ramming the bag down the old hag's throat, but sometimes discretion is the better part of valor and I did nothing. As I drove away, I got angrier and angrier. The fucking fries were half spilled in the bag, and we all know that fries need to be in the container to stay warm. There is almost nothing worse than cold McDonalds fries. They aren't that great when they're hot for chrissakes.

I understand that it can be stressfull when it's busy, but if you can't be even remotely pleasant then you should go home and as Cory is fond of saying "Pull the trigger" you stupid fucking old cow.

My job sucks shit, or put more correctly, I suck shit for a living. My job involves alot of customer interaction and there are days when I would love to tell people to get fucked, but I'm aware that I can't do that. If I did, I'd likely get fired and end up with another Mcjob.

The moral of the story kids is, even if you have a Mcjob, there is a step below that. Being on the dole is lower and not particularily good for the self esteem. So be pleasant and smile because you just may have to serve me and the clock is ticking toward the day that I go postal. I'm sure you don't want to be the one that sets me off because it's not going to be pretty and I'm sure that would just ruin your day and we don't want that now do we?

You drive like old people fuck...

Good fucking God Almighty. When the fuck are we going to start retesting drivers over 50? And when am I going to be allowed to curb stomp anyone that drives like a fucking moron?

Let's rewind this a bit. My place of employment is roughly a 20 minute drive from my residence when there's no traffic. On average, my daily commute in the morning takes between half an hour to an hour because of the retarded nitwits on the road.

The middle third to half (time wise) of my commute is taken up almost idling in near parking lot like traffic congestion while trying to get from Anderson Rd to Glenmore on the Deerfoot which is about 5 km. In that span I'm priviledged enough to witness every spastic half-wit in southern Calgary commit every goddamned, ignorant, idiot maneuver possible.

We have the unenviable pleasure of the Gestapo (a.k.a. Calgary Police Services) trying to stick it in our ass at every available opportunity. These goose-stepping fucks are exceptionally sneaky when it comes to photo radar. As a result, people get extremely paranoid about stalled vehicles on the side of the road and slam on their brakes before passing said vehicle.

To all of the mentally challenged, imbecilic, dipshits that are doing this I have this to say, "THE FUCKING SPEED LIMIT IS 100 KM/H!" You don't have to jam on the brakes and slow down to 70, it's shit like this that causes accidents and generally fucks up traffic. When in doubt, drive it like you stole it.

Just as bad are the moronic fucktards that slow down to 5 km/h to turn a corner. You are not going to fucking roll your damned vehicle if you go faster, but I may get pissed off enough to smack you with a crowbar or a sawzall (you just may have to wait a minute while I find a plugin for it).

I swear to christ if more people don't start car-pooling or taking public transit I just may spontaneously combust. Now wouldn't that totally fuck up your drive to work.

Remember: The life you save may be your own.

And that's because if you don't drive like an ass, I won't be inclined to beat the shit out of you for being a completely witless retard.

In the blink of an eye

It never ceases to amaze me how fucked up life can be. One minute everything is shits and giggles and the next everything can come crashing down around you. I recently had an experience that brought everything into sharp focus. Things I used to take for granted now have much more meaning.

I know that sounds like so much enlightened bullshit, but it's the gods honest truth. With all of the chaos I see in the world around me everyday, I've come to take a step back every now and again and reevaluate what is really important to me.

While this post is very much outside the tone of previous posts, I felt it necessary to get this off of my chest. My friends and family are incredibly important to me and the ability to be there for them in a time of crisis is one of the gifts I have to offer.

So, to all of you reading this remember this: you can call me any time, night or day, and I'll be there for you. I won't judge you or berate you, I'll do what I can (within my meager abilities) to ease your pain or help you out of a jam.

While you may notice that I laugh more often and may have a smile on my face from time to time, don't worry, I haven't lost my edge. There is still plenty of injustice and stupidity left in the world that I feel necessary to comment on.

I haven't come over to the light side (the dark side is just way too entertaining) and the dark corner of my soul that I draw these posts from is so much a part of my being that I refuse to relinquish it to the feel-good, liberal, hippie fucks. It grounds me, lest I get lost in the clouds that are my usual thought processes.

A modicum of cynicysm is healthy, it provides a much needed reality check to balance the rampant optimism that people often try to beat me over the head with.

That said, remember one thing, never forget who your true friends are and never turn your back on them. You just never know when you might need them.

The wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round ...

A certain "friend" of mine seems to gain an inordinate amount of pleasure taking the piss out of me regarding a certain aspect of my private life that is no longer all that private.

I understand that this is very typical of the male gender (I'm most likely one of the worst offenders), and while I'm not exactly a model of decorum, there are lines that are not to be crossed.

The defendant, a certain Cock-Smoker (refered to hereafter as CS), has thrown me under the bus on two consecutive occasions. While I'm all for poking fun at others (especially Dan a.k.a. Pig Pen), I'm substantially less enthused at people ragging on me when the topic involves an aspect of my life that I'm less than comfortable with.

So CS you bastard, consider this a warning shot across your bow. I've got you in my sights, and I intend to do alot more than hit you with Dan's purse.

One Shot. One Kill.

Come Watson, the game is afoot.

Asians in the armor.

When the fuck did everyone become a bunch of namby-pamby chicken-shits? God forbid you should say the wrong word and GASP! get labelled a racist. This whole Politically Correct movement really needs climb down off of its soapbox and pull their panties out of their ass.

What the fuck is with saying 'the "N" word', for those of you that don't know it's NIGGER. Yes, I admit it can be used as a racial slur, but the whole O.J., Johnnie Cochran, N-word circus just made me want to puke. That's just one example of how the PC bullshit is screwing with people's heads these days. You can't open your mouth these days without someone looking at you agast with the vile hate spewing from your lips.

For the record, I'm not racist. I hate everyone equally.

For some reason people choose to be offended by certain words, such as Fuck. I like Fuck. It's a tremendously versatile word that I use quite regularly (if you hadn't noticed). Who decided for me what I do and do not find profane.

Definition of profane:

1. Marked by contempt or irreverence for what is sacred.
2. Nonreligious in subject matter, form, or use; secular: sacred and profane music.
3. Not admitted into a body of secret knowledge or ritual; uninitiated.
4. Vulgar; coarse.

Profanity as we know it today was chosen by someone other than yourself. It supposedly (according to sociologists) is a result of the general social mores of your community. I call Bullshit! At best many of the words that are "Profane" fit into #4. I say at best because more and more people I encounter every day "swear like a sailor".

The only reason many of these words are still considered taboo is the fact that too many people are afraid to offend someone by openly expressing their opinion. To do so would risk becoming a pariah, and no one wants that is these days of PC, tree-hugging, wit-less, I want everyone to like me crap.

I cite as an example Jim Pankiw. He was a mayoral candidate in Saskatoon. He had the balls to say what everyone was thinking but was too chicken shit to say out loud. All too soon what he had to say offended someone and he was charged with hate crimes and all sorts of other colosal bullshit. I must admit after overhearing him at lunch one time, my opinion of the man is rather low, but I give him kudos for having some good ideas and the cajones to stand up and say them in public.

My idea for the populace is this: don't worry if anyone likes you, because chances are no one likes you. You are likely an ignorant ass and people are just pretending. If people do like you then they obviously have some ulterior motive and are likely to stab you in the back before you even see it coming.

I believe we should be proactive, tell more people to get fucked. I'm sure they'll appreciate your honesty.