I am far too old for this shit.

Well once again we are down to two staff members. Me and Rob. There are pros and cons to this wonderful situation I've found myself thrust into. On the plus side I love working with Rob, I consider him one of my best friends. On the minus side, I have to work like Toby picking cotton.

This I don't like.

Today I had the most enviable pleasure of hauling file boxes in +27 degree heat. Now for those of you that don't know me, I'm a 34 year-old alcoholic, smoker with insomnia. That all adds up to Jason not being a happy camper weezing as I carried these fucking hateful boxes down the stairs to their rightful resting place. I'm not sure when I had "Negroid Female Dog" tattooed on my forehead, but damn I wish I could afford the laser removal treatment.

It sucks that all of the people that I like working with leave after they realize how much this job sucks, but I can't blame them. With the Alberta economy being what it is, who wants to suck shit for a meager pitance of a wage. I know I don't. For all of my so-called "wisdom and intelligence" I have to admit I'm pretty fucking stupid to have stayed with the company for as long as I have. The most unfortunate part is that what I do isn't a trade and my wealth of skills are non-transferable, so even if I leave all that I have to look forward to is starting at the bottom all over again, wherever it may be.

Stupid People Redux

I pose to you a question. Exactly just how fucking dark does it have to be before moronic retards feel it necessary to turn on their headlights. Tonight, I had the distinct (dis)honour of witnessing three people at the same intersection not using their headlights. Christ, they didn't even have their running lights on. I can understand (to a point) that if you had your running lights on that you could forget to turn on the headlights before proceeding from your place of residence.

Are these twits driving with night vision goggles and if so where can I get a pair, because that is the only way I can understand not being able to see your gauges or any reflection of your headlights off of the vehicle ahead of you. I wish I had infravision, it would eliminate the need for the use of headlights, a flashlight, or for that matter electricity of any sort related to illumination. Think of the money I could save.

Alternatively, I still hope that some day the government will institute an anti-stupidity law that allows people such as myself to shoot ignorant, spastic, half-wit, Dan-esque, twits that prove without a doubt that they are swimming in the shallow end of the gene pool. Really, it needs more chlorine.

P.S. Cory, you are slacking to the point of unacceptability. How am I to function without my dose of internet cuties gracing the pages of your hallowed blog?

Road Trip!

It's been a very long time since I was last through the Rocky Mountains. Tyler and Derek came down from E-town to party this weekend and on Saturday we decided to take a trip to a place called Crescent Falls. Joe, another friend of ours was camping there and told Tyler that it was only an hour and a half from Cowtown. It was at this point that I came to the understanding that Tylers sense of time and distance function on a different plane of reality. After looking at the map it was clear to me that it was significantly longer than said 1.5 hours, but in my mind I said "What the fuck, it's a long weekend so let's do this."

Derek has never seen the mountains so we elected to take the scenic route through Banff National Park. I haven't seen the mountains up close since I was 15 so I was looking forward to the scenery.

Now as you may or may not know, it doesn't cost anything to drive through Banff National provided you are going straight through, with one caveat. North of Lake Louise, we got off of the #1 onto highway 93. Just north of that is a toll-booth. You have to pay no matter what, and it costs $17.80 to do so.

Now a few things came to mind after passing through the toll area.

1. It's rather bogus to charge a toll to see the scenery. (That was the park ranger's justification for the fee)
2. Why choose such a retarded numerical value? Why not just round it up to 20 bucks?
3. I'm betting the ranger at the Banff toll booth is still laughing his ass off. He knew where we were headed and failed to warn us about the second toll booth.

After grumbling for a couple of minutes we settled back in and continued on our trek. All I can say is the majesty of the Rockies is something to behold. There were a number of times where the view out of the windshield was awe inspiring.

When we finally arrived at Crescent Falls 3 and half hours after departing Calgary, the only thing on Tyler's mind was how hard he was going to bitch-slap Joe when we found him. Me, I could only wonder why no one had told me about this little slice of heaven before.


The picture above is the view that greeted us after getting out of the car.


And that's Tyler standing at the top of the Falls. To those of you that know me and Tyler well, you'll understand that the urge to walk up behind him and push was almost more than any man should have to bear.

So after hiking around the area for a couple of hours it was sadly time to pack up and head back. In retrospect, I wish I had known what we were in for as I would have brought what I would have needed to stay the night. Next year this is where I'm going camping as I didn't get to see even half of what it has to offer.

All told, it was alot of fun. There are other details that are better left unsaid, such as Derek's ignominious adventure taking a crap on the side of a mountain and our close encounter with a guard-rail at 130 km/h.

So, if you're headed out camping, think of Crescent Falls as a destination. It is absolutely beautiful. There are also equestrian tours available and if you go the Banff route, somewhere along highway 93 there is a company that provides helicopter tours (I can't wait till next summer).

Life is a grand adventure and I miss taking trips such as these. Little planning always makes it that much more interesting. I can't wait to see what lies in store for the future.